Attack of the Killer Zombie Spider
26 Aug 2008 19:31
David MarseillesDavid Marseilles

Attack of the Killer Zombie Spider


Today, WiiHD headquarters was invaded. The invader was a seemingly mortal spider of significant girth. Of course, I know the risks of spider killing. Spiders, in addition to sometimes carrying thousands of too-small-to-kill babies on their back at a time, are also some of the most vindictive creatures alive, behind wasps, mothers-in-law, ants and moths (in that order). You kill one, and their family hunts you down and attacks in the wee hours of the night. This one was pretty big, and yet still had a slightly awkward appearance, like a big puppy whose paws indicate that it is nowhere near done growing, so I felt compelled to take lethal action. From a distance, of course.

Now by virtue of my trade, I'm accustomed to dealing with arachnids and I even deal with zombies. Today was the first day I dealt with a killer zombie spider. Apparently, it had no family left to avenge its death, but that was not enough to undo its grudge-holding ways. There I was cowering behind a spray can with a comforting "kills on contact" label, and although it seemed to take about 20 seconds longer than the label advertised, gingantospider did eventually succumb to the poison, and comfortingly advertised this by flipping to its back, twitching a couple more times, and then going still.

I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed momentarily. I slowly began to hum the opening bars of the Rocky theme in preparation for my victory lap around the water cooler when the spider flipped back over and began dragging itself towards me on its front two legs. * pauses to locate source of sudden errie background music *

Currently, gingantoundeadspider is underneath a bucket, weighted down by several books, a brick, my office fridge and an industrial size copy machine. Did I mention he seems stronger now? Decapitation seems like the smartest move, but I gotta tell you, I'm not 100% where his head ends and his body starts. Right now I'm considering flushing him while I research that point, I just want to know if he'll mutate in the sewers and come back twice my size. I mean, I know he'll come back, but is he gonna grow down there?



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